Word FaQ :: The characteristics of a good listener

The characteristics of a good listener

Think back to a time when you were heavily influenced by someone. Chances are, you appreciated the fact that that person was a very good listener, as well as a speaker. Whether instinctively or through practice, that person who influenced you was skillful with empathy.

Doctor Marisue Pickering at the University of Maine identifies four main characteristics of good listeners:

1. A desire to be other-directed, rather than to project one’s own feelings and ideas.
2. A desire to be non-defensive, rather than to protect the self. When you are protecting yourself, it is difficult to focus on anyone else.
3. A desire to imagine the roles, perspectives, or experiences of the other, rather than assuming they are the same as one’s own.
4. A desire to listen as a receiver, not as a critic, and a desire to understand the other person rather than to achieve either agreement from or change in that person.

These characteristics can be learned, practiced, and mastered. Our society places much more attention on the spoken side of the communication equation, but if you think about who influences you, are they good talkers or good listeners?

As we come to understand ourselves and our relationships with others better, we rediscover that "communication is not just saying words; it is creating true understanding." Active listening is an important skill in that process.

Source—Center for Rural Studies, University of Vermont